Conviction sharing....

i heard a quote recently that I really liked:
"we live by faith, but we're blessed by obedience".
that's good, isn't it? this whole obedience thing is huge - truly just obeying will keep you really busy.

so....i've been thinking about that and then walked into a sermon on Sunday that was quite stirring.
check out the podcast when you get a chance. (http://www.destinychurch.info/) the message is called "New Direction. But here's a quick run-down.

"When you give your commitment and devotion to God, He astounds you with His provision and His blessing."
...however...
Malachi 1 & 2 points out 3 things God doesn't bless -

1. God doesn't bless our left-overs. Malachi 1:6-14
2. God doesn't bless lousy leaders. Malachi 2:1-9
3. God doesn't bless broken vows. Malachi 2:10-16

hmmm....check out the podcast

Friends and family....

isn't it cool when the line begins to blur between friends and family?

i haven't experienced that much - 20 something moves in my short life (comment at your own risk) has made me the recipient of many phenomenal acquaintances. But friends take time to simmer, and stew and saturate themselves into your life. i've not lived anywhere in my life over about 5 years - so saturating isn't something i've done much of.

all of that to make you feel sorry for me.

no, no. all of that to say that i truly am blessed to have some great friends. friends who'll drive 9 hours with 3 kids to spend the weekend in the snow with us. friends who'll choose to vacation at our house. friends who just keep choosing us. being the new kid in town so many times has made me keenly aware that sometimes the most friendly thing someone does is just "choose" me.

the wards have just spent a perfect weekend in the snow with some great family. it's a gift from God to have people who love you, your husband and your kids - it's especially a miracle when they don't drink cold tea and you don't drink hot tea - but you can still fellowship. there is a God in heaven!

for those of you who continue to choose to remember us long after we're gone - thanks. for those of you who've made the crazy trip to VA - you have no idea what it means to me - a girl with no home town, no roots and big photo albums - to be chosen.

So here's a few pix of some incredibly happy kids playing in some providential snow!!!
Thanks Daddy-man and Auntie......
We love you guys!
Love Auntie StingRay!

static displays

back in Jeff's flying days he was on occasion asked to go and "do" air shows. what that meant for his particular plane was that they wanted him to fly his plane to the air show location and park it - for days. he was then to stand next to it looking "pilot-y" and official and sign autographs and answer questions - making sure no one touched anything or decided to turn the jet on.

i've been thinking about that in regards to parenting lately. mostly because that's what i want to do.

at least for one of my kids i feel like i've got a handle on things so i want to put him on static display and stand beside him sharing my wealth of confidence and wisdom with all the poor saps who pass by.

truthfully, i think that sounds pretty good.

the problem is that raising kids is mostly like nailing jello to the wall - things are slipping and sliding all the time. they change and grow, we change and grow and no one gets to sign autographs.

every honest mom i know ahead of me on the journey says that about the time they got things figured out with the stage their kids were in - the stage changed.

so maybe, just maybe - 1) they're going to grow out of some of this and 2) if we fill our "toolbox" with timeless tools - the kind that go from toddler to teen - we just might eliminate some of the "shock and awe" moments to come.

that's why my tools have to work for all 3 or they're really useless. "listen and obey" is true for Matti the Great at 3 and mommy the stubborn at 3_. "bad choices always hurt" is true for running in the street, and running a red light. "speak with love and respect" is good at preschool and the Pentagon. you see what i mean - i think there's something revolutionary about the fact that God told us to come to Him as little children - we have to come in obedience, learning to love and serve and die to our own desires - just like the little people in our lives have to. the truths - the tools are timeless - i pray that my parenting has made me a better daughter to the "king" - you see I'm not His static display either.

so just a note to make sure your tools are sized for life - because they're aren't' any air shows or static displays or autograph sessions - there's just the constant of change.

Luke 1:37 - nothing is impossible with God!!!

new year...new prayers....

i am drawn of recent to the basics of my faith - really the basics of my relationship with God. the simple disciplines that i have in my life; that build my paradigm.

as is so often the case i am frustrated with me. i tend to be so hard on me - i know - i've read that it's pride, or control or fear or over-analytical...who cares. its still the truth.
i long for the raw, young, exhilarating "trust and obey" of old. i've been in a funk lately - feeling like i'm going thru the motions and knowing that God is unimpressed. i have become a statue of rituals; a memorial to the mantras of an American Christian life - frankly i'm unimpressed.

i saw this Tozer quote on another blog tonite "always life stands beyond death and beckons the man who is sick of himself to come and know the life more abundant". i am sick of me and of this particular ride - the commute is the same; the destination is actually virtuous - but it's not alive and breathing and infectious.
i'm going to need "alive and breathing and infectious" to make it - i'm really going to need it to draw my kids to this Jesus I want them to love. i've grown so busy in leading others i've failed to notice that i'm going in a circle. no wonder i'm dizzy.

i've used the illustration of jeff and flight training before because it works - he says if you're flying a plane and it starts into a flat spin (a terrible danger) then you run the checklist - walk thru the fundamentals. i could use the checklist - not more do's and don'ts - but a real focus on the things that ignite my heart toward God.

oh how i enjoyed the way i thought that worked in the past - more church, more service, more rituals - that was a pretty simple checklist. it normally ended with me "standing" before God in my sunday best surrounded by my silliness wondering where the cheering squad from heaven was.

it's harder now - but it's effective. the things that truly ignite my passion and love and heart for Jesus are gritty; things like
fasting not for an hour so i'll feel good about myself - but long enough until i can't "feel" all my hungers, worshipping until the tears erupt from my toes,
reading His word until He speaks...and i hear,
walking a quiet and intentional route until my mind is clear and my heart is open,
repenting until the weight is lifted
restoring that which is broken until the glue dries
obeying - going back to the last thing i know He asked me to do and obeying - all the way, right away, the happy way...without dispute, without distration, without delay..and then doing that over and over and over again.

it's time for those hard things again...i'm an idiot for letting them fall by the wayside for things like teaching Sunday School, or sending cards every week. isn't that harsh and ugly and unacceptable to say that?
the truth is - i've done those things faithfully for the last few months and enjoyed every minute of it knowing that the tank in my life was well past "E" and i was running on fumes...so i ask you - who'd i really help, or bless or serve...did God use it - probably; but He also used an ass. it was never about me - it was about His need to reach the other person - if it hadn't been me, He'd have made it happen somehow.

what is about me is this stagnate, stale, unfragrant thing i've got going with Him now...and that's an infection i need healed.
that's my prayer tonite - God please forgive me for leaving you for service and self - please pursue me and strengthen me to find you in the deeper places. i long for the deeper places where i feel Your breath on my cheek and know that You are mine and I am yours.

wow - what january does to me.

January Gray.....

Well, "Holidays 07" has come and gone. My favorite present was having Jeff home for 2 weeks!!! We quit counting at 9 trips to India last year - plus lots of little trips and then him leaving at 5am every morning and not returning until 7:30pm...I was really missing the guy! How awesome it was to have him around for the whole holiday vacation. It was good for all of us.

Matti's RSV came and went with little commotion. He missed his little Christmas production at school - but that didn't stop him from singing at home once he felt better. What a joy!!!!

The kids had a great Christmas as did Jeff and I - we've been Wii'd and what a glorious thing it is. That game is such an amazing invention. All 5 of us are having a blast - well I should say Abby, Michael and Matti are having a blast while Jeff and I are trying to keep up. Abby bowled a 199 the other night, while Michael's high is in the 160's - Matti's even bowled a 114......hmmmm. If you can't find me at either phone, I'm practicing my bowling!!!

2008 is off with a roar - unfortunately....I'm one of those sad saps who struggles with January. ...

• football is over
• Nascar is over (keep your comments to yourself)...
• my favorite season fall is over...
• Christmas is over
• shopping is over...
• baking is over...
• planning is over...
• and worst yet - there are no surprises left....just the routine you left sometime in November compounded by the cold, dark and snowcovered days of winter.

January is hard for me - no kidding. My new years adrenaline kicks in in September and I'm off - and I was indeed on a great roll until these *%&#@ allergies kicked in and and kicked my butt. So I'm hoping for a sunny day and a gentle lift.

Fortunately, I've got the kids to keep me company while Jeff shops the streets of Germany this weekend on his way to India for a week or two.

Michael's over the moon excited about Upward Basketball, Karate testing and his new Redskins Watch. Matti's beyond himself using his new word "recognize" - in all sorts of sentences - mostly including Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker, and the Sith Lord. And Abby's happy to get up every morning just to see how much longer her hair grew from the night before....so all is not sullen in the Ward home.

Happy New Year!!!