Excited.....

We're all getting pretty excited - only 3 sleeps and a wake up and daddy's home. He has his checkride tomorrow and then starts packing up. He'll actually fly the jet for the first time next Wednesday - yes, they are actually training him to fly the Vice President and First Lady in a simulator for 7 weeks. That doesn't seem like quite enough - but of course I still can't believe actual humans get those big machines off the ground anyway. I'm looking forward to him getting the "real" experience next week.

I'm REALLY excited about a good Dr's report on Michael and a team being put together to help us out with his muscle issues. The neurologist last week was perfect - she really took time and engaged Michael which helped her see thru all of his compensations to the potential of some potential problems. Fortunately she ruled out Cerebral Palsy and some other big stuff, we're waiting on blood work results and the MRI. But her initial assessment was that it may just be the way Michael is made - that I can live with. Michael being in pain I'd like to avoid.

I'm excited about Abby's high school team. I love football, I even like watching the cheerleaders - but when the teams 7 -0 - I really LIKE football. Congrats to Abby's team for making Districts in their cheerleading competition also.

I'm excited about another day of homeschooling tomorrow. Never in a million years did I think I would enjoy it this much. Tomorrow we do swim team, then some school work, then we're going to the McCain/Palin headquarters to check things out and help a bit. THIS is awesome. I love watching Michael unwrap things in front of me - pretty stoked his favorite subject is history too - since mom likes it so much also.

I'm excited about our family taking a White House Tour next week with a friend of Jeffs. The kids are over the moon - Michael is drawing, reading, watching specials...devouring all things White House.

I'm excited about our new Bible Study group this year. What a great group of ladies - it's week 6 and folks are opening up and I hope we're on the road to growing in dependence on the one and only true and righteous "parent' - God. I really enjoyed our class this week - and love these women already.

I'm excited about Matti's next couple of weeks - he's been practicing his songs for the Thanksgiving program and I love it! He's such a joy. Pumpkin patch on Friday ....whooo hooo

I'm excited about web cams - and how Jeff and Abby do homework over them everynight and then we have family prayers and can actually see daddy.

Mostly I'm excited to have come thru this last 7-8 weeks with God as my "husband" - taking such great care of me. I have felt His hand and strength and His endurance thru the 3 cases of walking pneumonia, calendar pages with no white space left, and scary doctors appts and so on and so forth. "I" have been able to do way more than I ever would have imagined I could...surely in my weakness He has shown up BIG.

So thank you God:
for no major emergencies,
no flat tires,
no major storms
no major crises with the kids
no ....

We've done it! Thru Christ alone....yet again.

Pix for the September 1sts...2008

Michael's first day at the "Ward Academy"...first grade here we come!

Michael's first day of Swim Team... "I didn't know it was going to be dark when we left every morning mom!"

Matti's first day of Pre-K! We love Haymarket Baptist - he's loving Mrs. McNeil's popcorn room!!!!



Abby's first day at Battlefield High School - and first game to cheer with the Varsity Squad....Here we go!

September Firsts.....

I've been waiting to post so I could include pix - but that's going to be awhile.

So let's catch up.
We have almost gotten thru all of our September "firsts":

• first day of high school
• first high school football game to cheer for
• first day of homeschooling a first grader
• first day of swim team
• first day of Pre-K school
• first week without daddy (only 7 weeks to go!)
• first month with my iphone - a pretty good stand-in for Jeff - but I'll sure be glad when those silly phones can help with the carpooling
• first facebook connections

Still to come:

• first homecoming dance (we're all hoping daddy will miraculously be here to hold mommy up)
• first home football game with Ward family in attendance trying not to embarass our cheerleader (next Friday)
• first AWANA's of the new year
• first spanish class for Michael
• first 2 soccer games of the fall season for the boys
• first Mad Science class - "mommy, I heard he tries to trick you into drinking lemonade..and it's really pee. Is that science mommy?"
• first class for this years Mommy Bible Study group that I lead- looks like a good group...should be fun.

So there we are - it's been a wild week. The pictures are going to be good - I'll post them when Jeff sends me my cables back from Seattle.

I have to say I am running fast enough to feel a bit like I'm chasing my shadow - and was a bit worried I could keep up. It's been a long time since we've experienced a long deployment with daddy gone.

But God is strategic in His care and He had been in this week long ago. So way back in the summer before we knew the dates of Jeffs training and I was mapping out some memory verses for the Ward family I decided to start the school year with Philippians 4:13 - " I can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength" - I've spent the week hearing 2 little guys and an occasional teenager say that to me over and over again - thank You Lord.

I'm also being blown away by "obedience" and what God's teaching me through it. Homeschooling Michael wasn't really in my 10 year plan - but as God started shifting vision and changing the focus it became obvious that I had to obey. I have to say the best part of my day is when we're in the school room - the blessings of obedience; the freedom; the ease of it all is amazing. It makes me want to re-examine lots of areas - especially the ones I struggle and strive in - perhaps there's an obedience issue. Doesn't Hebrews 3 or 4 talk about that - "the rest of obedience".

So there's lots more to say - this homeschooling thing is providing me with quite the education and this highschool thing is stretching my faith in ways I couldn't imagine. I'm also begging God for the grace to give thanks alot more - I met a lady this past week who's a recent widow homeschooling 5 kids thru grief and exhaustion and yard work. Surely there are heroes among us.

I am blessed.

The hills are alive.....

Ok - that's Austria - but Heidelberg Germany was a hit!

I had read it's the most beautiful town in Germany - don't know about all of that. But I loved it.

The castle is amazing - and dates back to AD1214.

315 steps up to the top (they're numbered) gives a great view of the city and the river below.

The shops, the churches and the restaurants on the streets below were so charming.

And then of course, if you know my love for doors - you'll understand the other picture. I've gotten a few so far that I really like. Still looking for the favorite yet!

We're off to Switzerland!!!!

The story of the tooth

So, the dentist says Matti's tooth must have been loose for about a year - because his permanent tooth is on it's way in. Since this is all happening about 2 years too early - there's no room for that new tooth. SO.... it's coming in sideways.

In lieu of all of that - we ran to get the boys pix taken before the crazy "tooth experiment" happens. The resolution isn't great - but you get the idea.
Enjoy.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Off we go....

Road trip tomorrow.

I'm ready.

Part of Abby's 14th birthday present was a week long trip to her best friends house in Nashville. So we're heading south.

I'll leave in the morning with the 3 kids and hopefully be in Nashville Sunday, Monday the boys and I are off to Alabama where they'll enjoy "Camp Grandparents" for a while.

Then ... next Wednesday I fly to Germany to meet Jeff for a week in the Alps.

Jeff's been in India for a week and has to return their the first of August. Then he spends the month of September in Seattle preparing for his new gig.

We're in desperate need of some quiet time together.

I struggle with what to do with the few days we have together - it's been a pattern for our entire married life. If you have one weeken in 6 weeks - what do you do with it?

I guess everyone would handle it differently. For me when the guilt train roars thru with how we should be taking the family on a family vacation instead of just him and me and a bunch of mountains and chocolate - I come back to the hard choice of priorities.

I find "priorities" to be a hard discussion with moms - especially stay at home moms. Not necessarily the concept or ordering of priorities -but the willingness to walk it out. We become so focused on the kids that everything gets out of kilter.

The hard truth today is that this mom is running on empty; mom and dad are strangers they've been a part so much recently - and that's not really a great way to have a "family" holiday.

In lieu of that - mom gets a quiet 9 hour flight across the pond to decompress and a week with just Jeff - we're going to leisurely tour some of our favorite spots in Germany, Austrai and a few new ones in Switzerland and check the Ward foundation for cracks.

The kids will definetly win in this deal.

Talk to you when we return.

Boys Sports Show - 2008

Make a Smilebox slideshow

a Holiday to remember!!!

What a great week we've just had. The Chalklettes and their parents were here for more fun than we've had in a long time. We LOVE you Chalks - and are counting the days till you come back - we actually want you to move in our basement....pretty please.

I stand at the door.....

So tonite's devotion was from Revelation 3 where John explains that Jesus stands at the door and knocks.....

The boys were tired, so I read quickly and then read a book on "Faith".

Before we prayed, I asked Michael if Jesus was in his heart. He responded "no, I haven't heard him knock yet".

To which Matti replied, "Michael, Jesus is in my heart, he came thru my stomach and this is what it sounds like, do you hear this?". He then starting playing drums on his belly while I rolled in laughter!!!

-------

Yesterday Jeff was out playing baseball with the boys and something got him frustrated.

Michael offered a work of encouragement; "dad, you just have to have patience."

Jeff told him what a great idea that was and thanks for thinking of it - to which Michael replied, "no problem dad, an old friend told me that once".

Of course Jeff knew immediately that the "old friend" just happened to be me. :)

SLOW down.....

So the birthday blitz is over -

This was our first year without a combined party for the boys and it was good (not necessarily cheaper), but good.

The big news is that Matti lost a tooth...this is incredibly upsetting to me. Those baby teeth are the last thing that makes them still look little - I hate it when they start going and Matti's way too young for this.

But they were wrestling and giggling and then all of a sudden Matti was asking if Daddy could e-mail the tooth fairy.

Hmmmm....I'm really wanting another baby - this is all happening way to fast.

Do you know the Matti man?

Wow...he can't be 2 days from turning 4.

This is my tender tiger - full of passion and fight and a constant smile.

For my Charleston friends - I SO wish you could know him....he's a really cool kid.

He's also a Nascar fan....

so there you go.

Sleep with Jesus little man - Mommy loves her matti man.

Thank you God for the "above and beyond" of Matthew.....Ephesians 3:20.....

He did it....

The big birthday is over ... and what an event.

He celebrated with all his pals at school with a skateboard cake on the last day of school. They were already celebrating with sprinklers and beach balls ...

He went to his favorite Mexican restaurant and ate chicken nuggets (he basically drinks the salsa - that's why we go - anybody remember my cravings for salsa???)

He opened presents with the fam ... including 2 Nationals T-shirts. One that "is a little too big, but don't worry mom, I can sleep in it".... this kid is just NICE to his bones.

that's when Jeff spoke up and said "no, buddy that's my shirt - do you have any idea why you and I might need these T-shirts?".

While holding up his new glove and baseball - he replies, "yes sir, so we can play baseball ... you know the Nationals are my favorite team".

Jeff responds, "well yes we could do that, but what else could we do with these 2 shirts?"

That's when Abby's squeal got him really thinking.

Then Jeff holds up two tickets for the front section on the 3rd base line and Michael's struck silent (that's how you know Michael's really excited!!!).

Then we went to to Kindergarten Graduation and mom cried her eyes out. His test scores were yet again thru the roof, his pals and teachers love him and dad beamed when Michael said he wanted to fly 737's when he grows up....then he spontaneously saluted his dad before he got off the stage! It was so cool!

The next day was Matti's final soccer game and party and then Jeff and Michael took off for laser tag, car shopping, the subway ride to the game and yet another moment of silence when he walked into that stadium "with millions of people mom!" Jeff said he was overwhelmed.

We finished the weekend with church and "Kung Fu Panda"....

Michael's 7 and mom and dad are wasted!!!

Only 2 more days till Matti's birthday ...here we go again!

Michael ichael motorcycle....

This guy is SOOOOO much fun!

More mighty Michael....

The birthday countdown continues...2 days to go. Michael is over the top ... mostly he's over the stairs of his bunk bed in the middle of the night because he's too excited to sleep ("mommy, can I sleep with you guys until my excitement goes away?")

Michael is a tender soul. I've decided to homeschool him for reasons I still can't put into words - but I'm hoping one of the end products is a protection of that tender heart.

Right now my mommy radar is detecting a conflict in my mighty warrior this week. He's so excited to finally get to celebrate his birthday at school, but keenly aware that this will be his last day at this precious school with these amazing kids and teachers whom he loves dearly.

Michael tends to be like his mom when it comes to people - he really digs in and listens and remembers. Folks really seem to connect themselves to his little heart. All you need to do is mention someone's name and he can tell you about them. I ask him about his day and instead he tells me about "his people".

Will and Alli? - "Their birthday is on the same day as Abby's - they're twins."

Landon? - "He's funny"

Juliana? - "Her mom thinks she's shy, but she loves to laugh, you just have to be funny."

Jaden? - "he's my Star Wars buddy, his mom sings too mom"

Carter? - "He has a peanut allergy - so mom no goldfish so I can sit at his table for lunch today"

Grace? - "She's been sick, but we've been praying for her. She came back to school, but I think she's still tired."

Mrs. Leake? - "Her daughter is in from college and they had an appointment, ....."

So in the midst of being super excited about his birthday, I think the last day of school is hitting him pretty hard. Again, I thank God for our school - I believe it's the greatest gift God has given us in Virginia. I'm going to keep Matti there as long as I can so they can write on his heart, like they did Mighty Michael .

I pray God always gives Michael lots of people to love - because he's really good at it. He's also good at telling lots of people what to do (that's from his dad), but he realldy does have a gift when it comes to people.

If you are someone who's loved Michael well - like you Scott K, or Cocky, or Mrs. Leake, or Mrs. McDonald, or Grandma and Granpa, and Mrs. Forero adn Auntie Jeanne and the Chalklettes, and a WHOLE host of others ...

Thank you -

I think you would like what those seeds are growing up to be.

the 2 old men in the car seats in the back of the van

So there's this other stuff I love about Michael.... and since it's his week, I figure I'll just keep talking about one of my favorite people on the planet.

I love the part of our parenting curriculum that shares the value of giving kids the moral reason why - we've learned and continue to learn that giving the children the ammunition to make their own good judgments and choices has far more lasting value than just saying "yes" and "no".

All of our kids are thinkers, and I think it is primarily because I'm wanting to answer their questions or challenges in ways that will eliminate them needing to ask again. So they think things out.

This is not more true of anyone in the house than Michael. He reasons everything out, ponders, thinks, analyzes and frets a bit. But he also includes and shares endlessly - everything he learns; he shares. His little brother is really benefiting from that.

Michael is also quick to share all the rules. With the arrival of warm weather, we're having to go over the "crossing the road" rule again - and General Michael is really training his little brother.

Yesterday as we drove out of the neighborhood, a jack rabbit crossed the road in front of us. Everyone looked and squealed and then went back to what they were doing. Well the two old men in the car seats in the back of the van struck up a bit of a conversation. Without ever looking up from his leapster, Matti said" that rabbit should have known better than run across the road". To which Michael responded, "that's right little buddy".

So this past week Matti's been showing off his dance moves. This is a bit odd, since Matti's a little shy and Michael's our dancer. But again, if Michael's done it, learned it or seen it, he's going to share it. So Matti's picked up Michael's (above average) dance moves and was dancing in the van the other day. When he finally caught my eye - I laughed and laughed and laughed. He was pretty good -a bit more wild with it all; but pretty good with the Austin Powers stuff. Michael has a bit more finesse of course, but you knew that already.

When I finally quieted down, Michael pointed to his brother and said " mom, that's 'Michael Junior" over there...with just a touch of violence".

Yes, Michael thanks to you he is "Michael Junior with a Touch of Violence".

Michael Man....

a week from today my Michael man will turn 7 ...

I am struggling.

I think it's all the grown up teeth, and the grown up haircut and the grown up words, and how fast time has gone by. I don't even remember blinking and now he's 7.....

I may be sad because he ties his own shoes now, buckles his own seatbelt and can pour his own cereal...will he forget me? or just quit needing me?

I like Michael alot. He's funny and quick, and tender and caring and smart and did I mention funny? He's a deep, deep well that you can't predict - I like that.

I was thinking recently about my parenting goals...I ponder that alot. For a while now I've been saying that we need to keep the end in sight - we're raising adults - not good kids in bigger bodies. We need to raise grown ups that we would hire, that we would befriend, that we would enjoy having as neighbors; grown ups that are effective and obedient to God.

I may want to revise that a bit ... there's this picture stalking my mind. I see Michael in our home for years as a boy, learning and growing and changing - becoming a man. And then I see the sun rising as Jesus walks toward him with his arms open wide - and Michael leaves me and chooses to take His hand and off they go down a new road.

I'm not sure why that makes me sad - because I don't imagine that as Michael moving on to heaven - but more Michael moving on into a personal, dependent, submitted relationship of worship and adoration with His Lord. The two of them walking that out in college, and marriage and career and fatherhood and ultimately eternity.

So if that's the end game, then my job today and tomorrow must become totally focused on helping Michael grow more aware and more comfortable with the ways of God. I must share with him the blessings of obedience, the need for surrender, the wonder of worship, the majesty of a friend God ... so that when the moment comes it will be seamless for Him. I long for all our children to become so comfortable sharing their lives with Jesus in our homes that it's just a given in their adult lives.

I need more time - I need time to move more slowly, I need more God in me and my life ...and yet in my weakness He is strong, and it's not by my might - but by His power says my Lord, and I can do all things thru Him who gives me strength....

Father, again I ask you to please raise this mighty warrior for your kingdom in spite of me and when you can, with me. I long for Michael to know you in ways I can onlly imagine, I long for Him to have your love and compassion for the lost and the saved, I pray you'll fill him with the spirit of a tender tiger as He pursues Your will for his life. Make him a man of ministry and effectiveness, make him a man of prayer and great favor - give him even tonight as he's brushing all of those new teeth - give him an UNQUENCHABLE thirst for You and Your word.

Help me serve You and him - as You build him into all of those things.

and please help me quit crying before the party.

Thank you for Michael God.

Let us pray....

Today I'm going to be getting ready for preschool graduation, then to soccer practice and then cheerleading parents meeting and then at some point I will open my refridgerator and look for something for dinner...

Today there are mothers in China who will spend their day waiting for their childrens remains to be pulled from buildings - hoping beyond hope ...

Today there are mothers in Burma waking up with nothing - including their children ...

Today there are mothers in Africa watching their children starve to death...

Mothers - let us pray

...and the Wards...

Thought I'd catch you up on the rest of the crew - I've been blog hogging for a while now.

We're almost finished with our first soccer season - what fun that has been.

Abby's got tryouts for the high school cheer team in a couple of weeks, and has already started dry land training for swim team.

Matti's last day of school is next Friday - what fun he's had. I love our little school. I've been invited to "Muffins with MOM" tomorrow in his 3 year old class! I can't wait.

Michael's lost yet another tooth - I've got to get a more recent picture. He's almost toothless now. He's loving soccer, getting bored with karate and ready to try baseball and football.

Jeff's got 100 days left at his job in International Affairs - we're guessing they'll squeeze 5 trips to India in that time. The fact that he knows how many days he has left tells you all you need to know. He drove me up to Andrews Monday to see the 737's and the Air Force One Hangar and all of that - it looks like it's for real - can't wait till he gets back in the cockpit again - I miss that smile.

good stuff...

Had a great time speaking at Destiny today - I do LOVE to talk and I LOVE an audience...it's unreal how comfortable it all is for me up there.

I so appreciate the opportunities the lead team at Destiny keeps giving me - with every one I come home praying "keep stretching me God" - what else can I do?

Talked today about the 4 marks of God on a Woman - Intuition, Security, Nurture and Community. We had to fly thru them - but I loved the fact we got practical and had lots of fun doing it.

I guess the podcast will be up sometime this week.

www.destinychurch.info

Thanks again to those who pave the way for me with your prayers!

Experience this Book...ASAP....

Whatever else you do this week - make sure you order the book
"The Shack".

I have never experienced anything like it. I loved it, I have it marked up from beginning to end, can't wait to read it again and would especially love to talk to others who've read it.

Unbelievable.

Order this book.

The Benediction and the Dance....

It's been awhile - I've been knee deep in preparing for a wonderful women's retreat I was blessed to speak to this past weekend. What a fantastic group of ladies - I want them all as my new best friends....

There were quite a few requests for a couple of things I shared - and this seems to be the best forum to get them out there so ....

"I Danced with God Tonight" - by Cindy Ward
(Zeph. 3:17)

I danced with God tonight.
I wore purple taffeta and pearls. He wore the scars that saved me.

He reached His hand out and took mine.
Not the pretty girl to my right or the perfect one to my left, but mine.

The angels sang, the trees swayed, the birds rolled in and out of formation, and the earth kept time. The sun was our spotlight, the moon our symphony. Time stood still.

He gently glided me onto the dance floor of my life, placed one hand on my waist, took my hand in His and mercifully moved ever so slowly and tenderly.

He sang in my ear the song He’s been singing over me forever and new life stirred in my heart.
He breathed on my cheek and I could hear the rocky places inside of me crumble.

He looked in my eyes and I heard the oceans roar and there was rest.

He caressed my face with His hand, brushing the hair from my eyes and I could see. For the very first time, I could see.

I smiled and He laughed from His belly. I was restored.

I sang and He twirled me through the deepest darkest chasms of my life.

My gown flowed with His peace as life regenerated all around us....and in me.

I stumbled and He picked me up and I was dancing with all of me yet with no strength of my own. Effortlessly beautiful...

The music faded and I heard His heart beat a new song for me as the stars danced across the heavenlies.

The light faded and I saw His glory fill the room, and He held me tightly.

He held me.

I danced with God tonight.

By the way ladies - the worship song that prompted this amazing moment with the Lord is called "You are Still Holy" by Kim Hill - a powerful song.

The 2nd thing people were asking about was the Benediction I read - author unknown...

May all your expectations be frustrated;
May all your plans be thwarted.
May all your desires be withered into nothingness
So that you may experience the poverty and powerlessness of a child…
And sing and dance in the great compassionate heart of God.

The song I referred to when I was talking about Abby is entitled:
"He Knows My Name" by Tommy Walker

Ladies - be blessed as you rest in Jesus!

prayer request

Remember that post a few weeks back - where I was pondering the amazing gifts of prayer we've been given. I'd like to piggy back on that for a minute and ask that you pray for my cousin Brandon.

He's 28 years old and has just been diagnosed with a very agressive and rare form of cancer. The prognosis isn't encouraging, the treatment sounds big and intense and it's all happening in TX far away from his friends and family in Alabama.

Please pray.

God + __________ =

So something happened on the way thru prayer requests the other day at Bible Study. A brief exchange about Oprah's latest epiphany offering began a stirring....

Since I've no affiliations with anyone - I'll only make one brief disclaimer and then I'm afraid I'm just going to march right into the deep abyss of controversy.

The disclaimer is this - I could be wrong.

However - I've had a tremendously painful history with being very deceived in a very spiritual and seemingly trustworthy place, hurting lots of people and then doing the hard work of de-programming over many years- so if you think I'm wrong you're going to have to work REALLY hard to convince me of it. I've got scars that still speak.

Here's what I believe - God plus anything is wrong. It's a sweeping statement and those can be dangerous when taken out of context; but in light of Oprah and her daily spiritual offerings - in that context, God plus anything is wrong and I must speak...more boldly than I prefer.

It's a debate of facts for some, a debate of feelings for others - and so I've been struggling since Tuesday to come up with a simple explanation for my convictions. Here’s my attempt…

As most of you know - we have an adopted daughter.

Let's say that she came to us tomorrow as a teenager; now far more learned and experienced in life than when she arrived at the age of 4, and made a request. What if she told us that we were doing a fine job as parents - but she really thought she'd benefit if we'd let her birthparents move in.Her argument would include the truth that there are tendencies she has that we don't understand that her birth mother would know instinctively, and that health issues could be discussed with more information if birth father was sitting at the dinner table. She would continue to let us know that we were indeed special to her and she was appreciative of the rescue we offered many years ago, the care we were providing now, and the love we'd given so freely - and that none of that had to change - she just wanted to add more knowledge to the equation. This new knowledge would not be to hurt us but to expand all of us - especially her, to help her navigate the days to come a bit better. It would be a valid argument full of truth and potential hope.

Except for this one thing - there's no way we could add two more parents into the equation without Jeff and Cindy becoming diluted in the process. We would tell her "no" (as you would tell her no) because first of all although it makes sense and it could be reasoned out - it's not best. Our authority would be challenged, her faith in our love and our ability to care for her would be challenged, the house would become divided, the other 2 children would begin to wonder what all of this meant for them and everything would begin to crumble all under the guise of just adding a little more information.

But there would surely be therapists, teachers, and even spiritual leaders who would love this idea of us unifying to heal – or maybe it’s actually diluting to avoid conflict; - or is it really an opportunity to fill her with facts so she wouldn't have to have faith in us? I guess it would depend on where you stand. There would be no real authority in her life - just more resources and information to make her complete. She would truly be enlightened.

Here's the comparison: You see Oprah hasn't to my knowledge come out and told you that she wants to replace your faith in God, His Word or His care for you - she just wants to add a little something to it. And how logical it all sounds, and of course it makes sense.

This new book she's steamrolling into modern (especially female) culture references the scriptures in more than one chapter. He (Eckhart Tolle) talks about God. It looks good, it sounds good, it feels good - she's even offering "community" thru her web page, she's allowing for daily reinforcements with her radio show, TV show and magazine - she's making it easy for you to dive right into "group think" = a precursor to deception. And thru it all we will be more informed! And remember what Satan said to Eve - maybe God is holding out on us...He surely wouldn't mind if we added something along the way - not if He really loves us.

Well, I'm not God but I'll tell you this - our daughter better not come home with her birth parents and their baggage in tow - it'll be ugly. Not because we hate them, fear them or are concerned they'll hurt her - but because we are enough parents for her - God said so and that's it Information isn't the answer.

God plus Oprah and Eckhart may make you feel more enlightened; and maybe your ego is something that God left out of the Word to prompt us on this sort of "Easter egg hunt" for the rest of the story. Maybe "ego" is "flesh" and we can transform into more Presence and then our flesh will be perfected and God will change His mind about us "crucifying the flesh and living in His Spirit". Maybe one good, transformed, enlightened human full of the “presence” is all it’s going to take for _______.

I don't know what then....maybe that's a good question - once the transformation happens, what then?

Or maybe this is a distraction; an opportunity for you to maintain just a bit of control, an opportunity to feel the power of self discovery - isn't that what this stirs in you really?

Or maybe you'll be the one who'll actually stay steady on the course of "be ye holy as I am holy" - this new quest to ignore the ego, pursue your miracles etc. won't affect you at all. You’re just browsing anyway.

Guess what - that's exactly what the enemy is hoping - just add a bit here - and while you're busy adding you'll never notice the fading that's going on in your heart. And eventually you'll start letting people know that "yes, you need to repent of your sins, ask Jesus into your heart and pick up a copy of _____, _____ and…. well I guess it'll depend on how many gurus we’ve added by then.

My friend the day is coming when it all crumbles around you and Eckhart and Oprah and Marianne will be on their next book tour, they won't take your call or answer your e-mail - and your enlightenment and information won't help you much at all.

I'm begging you - pray!
Ask God if this is something He wants you to add to all He's teaching you and showing you, if you think He says yes, find that plan in scripture and then please call me I'd like to hear about it.

If He says no - RUN!!!!

Run like a child running from an adorable rabid dog - he may be cute but he's going to kill you.

2 coats and a blessing bonanza....

So 1 Samuel 15:22
"And Samuel answered,
" What pleases the Lord more: burnt offerings and sacrifices or obedience to his voice?
It is better to obey than to sacrifice.
It is better to listen to God than to offer the fat of sheep."

I finally found a consignment shop in our area recently and was cleaning out some clothes to consign. I had a stack for the store and a stack for give-away. As I took the last load to the van I remembered I had a couple of coats I was ready to let go of so I grabbed them too. One long red one, and one long black one.

I loaded the coats into the van and felt a strong impression that they weren't to go in either of the piles - they were not to be consigned or given to Goodwill - I was to give them to my friend Rebecca. It was a strange thought because I knew they wouldn't fit her and they didn't really look like her, blah, blah, blah... But then her mom came to mind - that didn't make any more sense than the original idea - they wouldn't fit her either, but maybe....so I kept them in the van.

I dropped off the clothes for consignment, I dropped the rest of the clothes off at Goodwill and eventually found only 2 coats left in my trunk. When I would remember they were back there I'd start the whole questioning process again: "Why Rebecca? Why her mom? This is so strange, but ok God".

A couple of weeks ago I finally remembered to give them to her. She had no idea what to do with them either - but I explained that it was very strong on my heart to give them to her or to her mom - and that I just needed to obey - would she please just take the coats, pray about it and let's see what happened.

She took them and eventually passed them to her mom explaining that we were all just praying and obeying and waiting . So her mom prayed about it, and the Lord finally put a lady on her heart. Yesterday she delivered them.

As Rebecca relayed the story to me today - her mom walked in with the coats to a woman who received them in utter amazement. You see that woman had just prayed "God if it be your will I'd like a red coat and a black one for funerals".

The God of all creation hand delivered those coats by way of 3 women who tripped their way thru hearing and obeying and now get to bask in the blessings of getting it right!

Isn't that so amazing?
and
wouldn't it be even more amazing if we got to be a part of God's intentional, very specific, crazy fanatical love for His people and all the cool ways He hears and answers their prayers far more often.

I really hope I get to be a part of something like that again - you see the bags I took to Goodwill (my pseudo-sacrifice) - that's a cool thing to do and I pray over them and all of that....
but...
the 2 coats that journeyed me thru obedience - that was off the charts.

To obey is better than sacrifice.

Oh and Rebecca you should know that I prayed this morning during my workout that God would let me know that I could actually hear His voice....so thanks for being a part of Him answering that prayer for me.

And, oh by the way - weren't you the one that told me between chips and salsa a couple of weeks ago that you wanted to experience the process of knowing you heard Him, and did what He asked....

So I wonder who were the coats about really?

only God.

Good News.....

YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!

It looks like we're staying in Virginia for another 4 years! 7 years in one place - what a scandal!

Jeff got the call today - an invitation to fly with the 89th Air Lift Wing out of Andrews Maryland.

He's been assigned to the 737's which as of right now is the airplane of choice for the Vice President and the First Lady. He's excited about the missions they'll be flying, the new aircraft, the commercial rating that comes with the whole training process and the fact that his daughter will get to finish school here.

Thank you God

dear rebecca....

please, could you just please post a comment?????

I know you're out there - I hear stories!

invisible gifts.....

i laid down to sleep last nite and an inventory of prayer needs flooded my mind.
no sooner than i thought about some of these needs though my spirit switched gears and i suddenly started thinking about people who had prayed for me.

i started seeing faces of people who prayed with me during my 10 years of infertility. people who prayed years ago that God would bless Jeff's career and give him favor. people who prayed for me when i stepped out in faith and __________ did any number of things i didn't think i could do or people who prayed us thru the addition of abby, or people who prayed me thru countless surgeries.....

it didn't take long to become completely overwhelmed - especially when i realized that so many of those people never got to see the results - the ones who prayed for me thru infertility treatment in Georgia - have yet to meet my kids (all 3 of them), the ones who prayed for jeff to finish flight school 15 years ago when all bets were off have no idea that he's proficient in several airplanes and has an amazing career still in action. the ones who prayed thru abby - have no idea what a gorgeous, strong, stable (as stable as teenagers can be) young woman she is. those that prayed me thru surgeries don't get to share with me the days that turn into months that turn into years with no pain.

but did they ever invest.

i may be in one of my more analytical states - but how do you ever reconcile that? what kind of love is that? what a gift!

how not-alone i am and how not-alone I have always been.

Hebrews has in it one of my favorite thoughts "we have around us many people whose lives tell us what faith means. so let us run the race that is before us and never give up". (Heb 12:1 NCV)

everytime you pray for someone - whether in paragraphs or short cries - you are taking your faith and investing it in the lives of other saints.

so pray for me and I'll pray for you - and we'll let that crowd of witnesses in the heavenlies cheer us on - and we'll keep praying and praying and praying and thanking God for all those praying for us.

bottom line - if you've prayed for me - thanks. you just wouldn't believe what a great job God did with your prayers.

and yes, I'll pray for you - just ask.

On Target....

So, if you were in Target yesterday between 3-3:30 you got to enjoy a monumental teaching moment for our precious Matti. For that I apologize and I thank you.

I've been thinking about the whole scene and I've decided it was good. The truth is I spent maybe 45-60 minutes in a really uncomfortable place - Matti screaming, me sweating, strangers staring, driving home with him throwing a fit in the back seat - it wasn't fun.

But I'm convinced if I hadn't invested that 60 minutes into teaching him about first time obedience - I could very possibly be spending the next 6-12 months dealing with his rebellion. In light of that it was a good investment.

It's the big picture that saves my bacon and my sanity everytime. I get it wrong so often; but yesterday the opportunity arose to give Matti some keys to living life; keys like:
1) mom doesn't lie
2) mom doesn't negotiate
3) I'm safe - because she's still in charge
4) bad choices always hurt
5) I'm expected to obey right away
6) throwing a fit isn't in my best interest...ever.

Seems to me, looking at that list that some really useful life skills were learned. God's grace was all over the situation - I never got emotional!!! It was all about a choice - and I could clearly see that Matti's sneaky little offense was a glaring example of a heart that wasn't in submission.
That was a big deal to me - not because I want to be supermom, or have the best kids in the checkout line at Target - but because God says that "obedience is better than sacrifice"; and then He says it over and over again thru His word.

We live by faith - but we're blessed by obedience. I want my kids to live a life of favor and God's richest blessings - so I invest a little blood, sweat and tears in the Target line so that one day Matti will not only submit his heart to the leadership of Jesus Christ - but that He'll crave that authority in his life and enjoy the great riches offered by the King of Kings.

Interesting end note - Matti's spirit is at rest. He's the most tender, joyful little guy as all the kids have always been after moments of discipline. It's an amazing process to be a part of - confession and forgiveness are incredible gifts beyond words. It is incredibly humble to be a part of the processes that construct a heart.

Conviction sharing....

i heard a quote recently that I really liked:
"we live by faith, but we're blessed by obedience".
that's good, isn't it? this whole obedience thing is huge - truly just obeying will keep you really busy.

so....i've been thinking about that and then walked into a sermon on Sunday that was quite stirring.
check out the podcast when you get a chance. (http://www.destinychurch.info/) the message is called "New Direction. But here's a quick run-down.

"When you give your commitment and devotion to God, He astounds you with His provision and His blessing."
...however...
Malachi 1 & 2 points out 3 things God doesn't bless -

1. God doesn't bless our left-overs. Malachi 1:6-14
2. God doesn't bless lousy leaders. Malachi 2:1-9
3. God doesn't bless broken vows. Malachi 2:10-16

hmmm....check out the podcast

Friends and family....

isn't it cool when the line begins to blur between friends and family?

i haven't experienced that much - 20 something moves in my short life (comment at your own risk) has made me the recipient of many phenomenal acquaintances. But friends take time to simmer, and stew and saturate themselves into your life. i've not lived anywhere in my life over about 5 years - so saturating isn't something i've done much of.

all of that to make you feel sorry for me.

no, no. all of that to say that i truly am blessed to have some great friends. friends who'll drive 9 hours with 3 kids to spend the weekend in the snow with us. friends who'll choose to vacation at our house. friends who just keep choosing us. being the new kid in town so many times has made me keenly aware that sometimes the most friendly thing someone does is just "choose" me.

the wards have just spent a perfect weekend in the snow with some great family. it's a gift from God to have people who love you, your husband and your kids - it's especially a miracle when they don't drink cold tea and you don't drink hot tea - but you can still fellowship. there is a God in heaven!

for those of you who continue to choose to remember us long after we're gone - thanks. for those of you who've made the crazy trip to VA - you have no idea what it means to me - a girl with no home town, no roots and big photo albums - to be chosen.

So here's a few pix of some incredibly happy kids playing in some providential snow!!!
Thanks Daddy-man and Auntie......
We love you guys!
Love Auntie StingRay!

static displays

back in Jeff's flying days he was on occasion asked to go and "do" air shows. what that meant for his particular plane was that they wanted him to fly his plane to the air show location and park it - for days. he was then to stand next to it looking "pilot-y" and official and sign autographs and answer questions - making sure no one touched anything or decided to turn the jet on.

i've been thinking about that in regards to parenting lately. mostly because that's what i want to do.

at least for one of my kids i feel like i've got a handle on things so i want to put him on static display and stand beside him sharing my wealth of confidence and wisdom with all the poor saps who pass by.

truthfully, i think that sounds pretty good.

the problem is that raising kids is mostly like nailing jello to the wall - things are slipping and sliding all the time. they change and grow, we change and grow and no one gets to sign autographs.

every honest mom i know ahead of me on the journey says that about the time they got things figured out with the stage their kids were in - the stage changed.

so maybe, just maybe - 1) they're going to grow out of some of this and 2) if we fill our "toolbox" with timeless tools - the kind that go from toddler to teen - we just might eliminate some of the "shock and awe" moments to come.

that's why my tools have to work for all 3 or they're really useless. "listen and obey" is true for Matti the Great at 3 and mommy the stubborn at 3_. "bad choices always hurt" is true for running in the street, and running a red light. "speak with love and respect" is good at preschool and the Pentagon. you see what i mean - i think there's something revolutionary about the fact that God told us to come to Him as little children - we have to come in obedience, learning to love and serve and die to our own desires - just like the little people in our lives have to. the truths - the tools are timeless - i pray that my parenting has made me a better daughter to the "king" - you see I'm not His static display either.

so just a note to make sure your tools are sized for life - because they're aren't' any air shows or static displays or autograph sessions - there's just the constant of change.

Luke 1:37 - nothing is impossible with God!!!

new year...new prayers....

i am drawn of recent to the basics of my faith - really the basics of my relationship with God. the simple disciplines that i have in my life; that build my paradigm.

as is so often the case i am frustrated with me. i tend to be so hard on me - i know - i've read that it's pride, or control or fear or over-analytical...who cares. its still the truth.
i long for the raw, young, exhilarating "trust and obey" of old. i've been in a funk lately - feeling like i'm going thru the motions and knowing that God is unimpressed. i have become a statue of rituals; a memorial to the mantras of an American Christian life - frankly i'm unimpressed.

i saw this Tozer quote on another blog tonite "always life stands beyond death and beckons the man who is sick of himself to come and know the life more abundant". i am sick of me and of this particular ride - the commute is the same; the destination is actually virtuous - but it's not alive and breathing and infectious.
i'm going to need "alive and breathing and infectious" to make it - i'm really going to need it to draw my kids to this Jesus I want them to love. i've grown so busy in leading others i've failed to notice that i'm going in a circle. no wonder i'm dizzy.

i've used the illustration of jeff and flight training before because it works - he says if you're flying a plane and it starts into a flat spin (a terrible danger) then you run the checklist - walk thru the fundamentals. i could use the checklist - not more do's and don'ts - but a real focus on the things that ignite my heart toward God.

oh how i enjoyed the way i thought that worked in the past - more church, more service, more rituals - that was a pretty simple checklist. it normally ended with me "standing" before God in my sunday best surrounded by my silliness wondering where the cheering squad from heaven was.

it's harder now - but it's effective. the things that truly ignite my passion and love and heart for Jesus are gritty; things like
fasting not for an hour so i'll feel good about myself - but long enough until i can't "feel" all my hungers, worshipping until the tears erupt from my toes,
reading His word until He speaks...and i hear,
walking a quiet and intentional route until my mind is clear and my heart is open,
repenting until the weight is lifted
restoring that which is broken until the glue dries
obeying - going back to the last thing i know He asked me to do and obeying - all the way, right away, the happy way...without dispute, without distration, without delay..and then doing that over and over and over again.

it's time for those hard things again...i'm an idiot for letting them fall by the wayside for things like teaching Sunday School, or sending cards every week. isn't that harsh and ugly and unacceptable to say that?
the truth is - i've done those things faithfully for the last few months and enjoyed every minute of it knowing that the tank in my life was well past "E" and i was running on fumes...so i ask you - who'd i really help, or bless or serve...did God use it - probably; but He also used an ass. it was never about me - it was about His need to reach the other person - if it hadn't been me, He'd have made it happen somehow.

what is about me is this stagnate, stale, unfragrant thing i've got going with Him now...and that's an infection i need healed.
that's my prayer tonite - God please forgive me for leaving you for service and self - please pursue me and strengthen me to find you in the deeper places. i long for the deeper places where i feel Your breath on my cheek and know that You are mine and I am yours.

wow - what january does to me.

January Gray.....

Well, "Holidays 07" has come and gone. My favorite present was having Jeff home for 2 weeks!!! We quit counting at 9 trips to India last year - plus lots of little trips and then him leaving at 5am every morning and not returning until 7:30pm...I was really missing the guy! How awesome it was to have him around for the whole holiday vacation. It was good for all of us.

Matti's RSV came and went with little commotion. He missed his little Christmas production at school - but that didn't stop him from singing at home once he felt better. What a joy!!!!

The kids had a great Christmas as did Jeff and I - we've been Wii'd and what a glorious thing it is. That game is such an amazing invention. All 5 of us are having a blast - well I should say Abby, Michael and Matti are having a blast while Jeff and I are trying to keep up. Abby bowled a 199 the other night, while Michael's high is in the 160's - Matti's even bowled a 114......hmmmm. If you can't find me at either phone, I'm practicing my bowling!!!

2008 is off with a roar - unfortunately....I'm one of those sad saps who struggles with January. ...

• football is over
• Nascar is over (keep your comments to yourself)...
• my favorite season fall is over...
• Christmas is over
• shopping is over...
• baking is over...
• planning is over...
• and worst yet - there are no surprises left....just the routine you left sometime in November compounded by the cold, dark and snowcovered days of winter.

January is hard for me - no kidding. My new years adrenaline kicks in in September and I'm off - and I was indeed on a great roll until these *%&#@ allergies kicked in and and kicked my butt. So I'm hoping for a sunny day and a gentle lift.

Fortunately, I've got the kids to keep me company while Jeff shops the streets of Germany this weekend on his way to India for a week or two.

Michael's over the moon excited about Upward Basketball, Karate testing and his new Redskins Watch. Matti's beyond himself using his new word "recognize" - in all sorts of sentences - mostly including Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker, and the Sith Lord. And Abby's happy to get up every morning just to see how much longer her hair grew from the night before....so all is not sullen in the Ward home.

Happy New Year!!!