Mattheology....

So Matti came home from Awana's last nite on a sugar high with much to say...
It hasn't been a great couple of weeks at the Ward house with colds, and allergies, and wrecks and gas cans spilling in mini-vans...those sorts of things... but back to the point; Matti came home from Awana's last night and told us about the birthday party and the cupcakes and then dug into his cereal.
About 2 bites in his eyes lit up, his eyebrows shot up to the ceiling and his "preacher hand" started waving..."we talked about Noah....he built 2 boats".
So I took the bait - "why two boats Matti?"
Another sloppy bite of raisin bran and then that look that says "mom sometimes I pity you and all you don't know" - and he patiently explained "Mom, I saw the movie 2 times and everytime he builds a boat".
Yes we have just recently become the owners of "Evan Almighty".
And we laughed - we really all needed to laugh.

A couple nights before this mom was standing in as nighttime bible reader while dad was preserving freedom and such somewhere else on the planet. I decided to read about Goliath the Giant. Matti didn't appear to really even be paying attention - but then he excitedly ran to my lap and said "just like me mommy, just like me - I like Giant - He likes chocolate doughnuts just like me".

I'm not much on bribing kids - mostly because I really don't expect the 10th grade chemistry teacher to tell my kids if you do your homework I'll buy you a Big Mac - but for other reasons too - I just don't do it. But while potty training - things are a bit different - and I do reward.
So at the entrance of our neighborhood is a grocery story called "Giant" where after achieving success at eliminating toxins in the potty Matti would get to go to have his chocolate doughnut.

So somehow Goliath the Giant turned into a chocolate doughnut eating pal for Matti- and now they're just alike. A truly religious moment for my little man.

You'll be happy to know I've returned the reigns of Ward Bible Reader to Jeff whom I've also got convinced that staying home and preserving sanity might be a better use of his time!

according to matti....

3 is my favorite age - next to 5 and then 0-18months and then whatever's after 9-11. But all of that notwithstanding I love 3 years old. I've just learned so much from the 3 year olds in my life.

Today I told him to put his pants on - to which he replied "I'm a big boy, I can do it all by myself" So he did - except he put them on backwards. When he came to show me I explained his error to which he replied "no problem mom - I can just turn around!"

This morning he asked me for a bunch of tiny pieces of wood so he could build a house. I asked him why we needed another house and he replied, "It's not for us mom, it's for the ants. We have ants in our house - I'll build them a little house in the backyard and we can open the doors and the ants can leave us and go to their own house." I told him that sounded like a great idea - but the better idea would be to not leave crumbs around the kitchen floor so the ants wouldn't come in here at all. "No, mom they need to come in and get warm and then they can go back outside - they can eat our crumbs and then we'll open the doors - so let's go get the wood right now!"

He's this minute standing next to me drawing his hand and telling me that at school they say "we have to sin against God. Mommy that's what we say. We have to obey my teachers mom".

This past weekend he saw something he wasn't quite sure about - he wrinkled up his little eyebrows (in what Jeff calls the Jeanne Radekopf special) and said "mom, that's stwange - that's really interstate". We're guessing that he meant "interesting".

He's the most "interstating" in our lives right now! I'm thankful for it :)

Mommies....

What a privilege it is to spend every Wednesday morning with a group of like minded mommies pursuing some great things for our homes. I love Wednesday's - but I seem to come away in some sort of militant melancholy mood...with lots on my mind.

I have a passion to remind mommies that they are still seen by the God of the Universe. To remind them that He hasn't forgotten them or their hearts, or their favorite color or their dreams - that He has a running inventory of their concerns and knows the last time they had a leisurely afternoon to themselves. I want to tell them that He wants to love them wildly and romantically, and care for them and that He is far more invested in their children than even they are. I want to wrap them in blankets of scripture to assure them that "nothing is impossible for Him", that "all things work together for good", that "He will accomplish what concerns them with His unfailing love and mercy and compassion", and "He has a plan for them, their husbands and their kids", that "His yoke is easy and His burden is Light" I want them to find at the end of themselves and their best mommy efforts the superhero they've always dreamed of in God.

I'd also like to share a few tears, some real giggles and endless sweet tea at all of these encounters.

I've read that your calling is where your greatest passion and the worlds greatest need intersect. Well, the passion is there and I certainly see the need in the world I live in to take the burden off of mommy. There's this strange almost mutually exclusive idea in me that women need to let go and hold on differently. Invariably, the recurring theme I see in the eyes of mommies is bondage and fear and exhaustion. How exactly are we going to raise world changers with those components running thru us? We are consumed by the "shoulds", the "what ifs" and the "I'm trapped" - we spend most of our energy trying to keep those very real feelings hidden from everyone.

So if my megaphone were bigger I'd yell really loudly - "STOP the MADNESS - Lay this thing down".

Here's the bottom line - the Bible says that unless the Lord builds the house - the builders labor in vain. Ladies - that's us.

If God doesn't raise these kids - you are working in vain! You can't do it - you are not enough and you never will be - it's gotta be the Lords work.

If you are exhausted - find rest. Work on the discipline of turning life off and quieting your mind in the presence of a Living God. Learn what softens your heart - worship, nature, sitting in a beautiful cathedral and make it happen. If you are running on empty - you are setting yourself up for a long walk! Only you can change that - hire a sitter, or call a friend and honestly tell them - "I'm in trouble, I need help".

If you are scared - name it! Get a journal and name the elephants in the room - they lose so much of their power when they're out. Then take a look at your list of fears and compare that with what you know of God - if any/all of your fears were to come true - are any of them outside the realm of His care? If not - you're good. Just believe that.

If you're feeling trapped - choose life. I have this silly list in my bedside table of things that breathe life into me. When the world starts crashing around me to loudly and too fast and I can't hear my own heartbeat I actually have to look at my list to remind myself of what stirs my heart back to life. e.g. - great jazz, Allison Kraus, the wind, the sound of water on rocks, exercise, swimming especially...and the list goes on...if you know me you know Hallmarks stores are on that list too. In a quiet place - make your list and keep it somewhere - you're going to need it.

In 2 Corinthians 1 - Pauls tells us that the Lord will comfort us - so that we can comfort others. "Ladies and Gentleman, if the oxygen masks deploy please secure yours before helping others around you". It's contrary to our noble, martyred efforts - but it's the only way out of this pit we call life without ourselves.

Ladies, if you're still reading I believe God would really like to minister to you so that you are a ready vessel for Him to minister to your kids through. But you've got to be honest and vulnerable and patient with yourself as you learn how to receive.

Don't give up - don't give in...there's life in this life I promise.

just yesterday.....

So just yesterday she was.....
and then life comes really fast.

In the last 8 days Abby's had major dental work with her gum lasered. The next day it was an injury on the hurdles that got us a quick trip (well, if you call 4 hours quick) to the ER then the podiatrist the next day who immediately put her back in her very fashionable cast(oh my) the day after she'd made the track team. Then there was the quick run to the orthodontist to fix one brace - which ended up being 4 braces. Then there are the hormones and boyfriends and the kids getting suspended for kissing at school and the first encounter with a gay teacher talking about his boyfriend....and then the first track meet that the doc finally cleared her to run in- and the coach scheduled her for and then at the last minute because of a scoring error she was pulled out of her only event....

I remember really fretting about protecting her from the previews at rated "G" movies and it being such a big deal...and now I realize that was peanuts compared to this. I know we've got more road ahead of us - but, at this point I find it quite futile to try and protect their hearts - you can only prepare and pray.

There are so many things she deals with in life that are just foreign to me and my experiences - but I serve a God who is the same yesterday, today and forever - and so I prepare her the best I can and then I prayerfully lay her at the feet of God; again and again and again.

Is it enough?
i think that's the cross a mother carries - never knowing if her efforts are ever enough- but that too can be transformed to faith as you realize that "enough" isn't really one of those "God words" - it's more a "Ladies Home Journal" concept. In my weakness - my mustard seed of "enough"- is transformed into more than enough - even for Abby.

Great news though - she's doing great.
I'm pretty passionate about parenting - and creating in kids a moral warehouse that is accessible and fully equipped to help them navigate as much of life as possible while they're under the safe fortress of home. And this week I've been given a glimpse into the tools Abby has in play to handle conflict, disappointment, sin and compromise. Glory to God - it's looking good.

But still - she's 13 and in just 10 years she could be a college graduate with a car, apartment, job and a husband. 10 YEARS!!! that's a blink - it's all so fast.

...you know days like today I really mourn not getting to have more time with Abby when she was just a wee girl - the days of innocence come and go like the wind and then they're gone. I wish I could have held her as an infant and known I could at least protect her for that moment from all the bad and hard and sad things in life. Just a moment to take the pressure off her little heart.

But this week I've seen a young lady whom I respect, and really like. Lord, please keep speaking to her, and raising her in spite of us. You're doing great work!

I found a great baby picture of Abby -but I can't get it to post. You guys would love it.
I'll try again tomorrow.

Sleep with Jesus Abby - I love your guts little one! You have represented your family and your God incredibly well this week.

hmmm.....

Yesterday Michael was looking thru some family photos he has when he found a picture of his little cousin Jackson in a wagon dressed up like a policeman.

He turned to Matti and said -
"Hey Matti, look -
a policeman sucking his thumb....
now that's something you don't see everyday".

Anniversary Issue

21 years ago my parents moved our family to Lynchburg Virginia. It was my sr. year in High School and I can tell you I was not happy about it. Soon after moving, my mom and I visited a church in the area where the Pastor had visitors stand up to introduce themselves. My mom and I stood up, introduced ourselves and then the Pastor (trying like so many pastors do to be funny) asked if I was single. Ha, Ha, Ha.

The lady behind me said "Jeff Ward, there's you a brunette" - I had no idea what she was talking about, but everyone else did and laughed.

One year later, our little youth group from that church got together for a Sr. Banquet at the Bonanza on 29south. There were only 3 seniors in our group - me, Becky and Jeff Ward. For whatever reason Jeff decided not to bring his girlfriend to this event, and my loving beau from the past year had dumped me the week before prom - so we were unencumbered.

I had been asked to sing "Friends are Friends Forever" and then the events of the evening unfolded into a great time with our friends. At least that's what the pictures say. Jeff and I locked eyes sometime that evening and never let go.

Several weeks later while spending some time with the Lord I felt very strongly that He was knitting Jeff and me together, Jeff later confirmed he was getting the same message. His words to us were that He was going to bind us together thru lots of battles and many years and over many miles. I had no idea how those words would come to life and what they would change and create...but wow, what a ride it's been.

16 years ago today we ended our 4 1/2 years of dating and got married.

It was a fun wedding - in the midst of yet another crisis my family opened the doors to our home while people from all over the country drove in, grabbed their sweet tea and either dug in to help, or crashed in front of the football games on the television (you know who you are all of you Academy guys!) while they polished their shoes. I have to say my favorite part of the wedding was the fun at the house before our 5pm ceremony. We've always had GREAT friends.

So the many years have translated into many battles - we've made it through infertility, surgeries beyond numbers, illnesses that linger, too many moves to count, lots of bad haircuts, our 3 kids coming to us in 5 years, career disappointments, and career achievements, Texas and Mississippi, lots of churches and friends, and houses, and decorating ideas, and fights, and more tears than I would have ever imagined could be cried, miscarriages and births - miracles ad disasters.

I am so thankful to have lived so much of my life with you by my side Jeff.

I loved walking around Lake Dillon with you - hurting together over our miscarriage - there has always been healing in holding your hands.

• I loved driving around the curve in Austria and seeing St. Wolfgang for the first time - you have always brought more to my life than I knew to look for.
• I loved getting on an airplane with you for Puerta Vallarta - and it all being a surprise - you have always loved with such authenticity.
• I love all the trips we made to eat wings and watch it snow and sit by the fire at Pub n Grub - I love the "good ole boy" hiding beneath the uniform.
• I loved season tickets to the Air Force games - even the ones where it rained, or snowed or we just got beat.
• I loved seeing you with each of our children the first time - you are truly the best dad I've ever seen.
• I love the way you STILL watch "Extreme Home Makeover" and cry - thank God and thank you for that heart of yours that is still tender - thank you for protecting and preserving that for us your family.
• I loved going to Hawaii and watching the sunset - and fighting for our marriage - thank you for always fighting too.
• I loved going to Canada and sitting and listening to the rocks on the shore for hours - thank you for letting my have my own neuroses.
• I love watching you listen to great music - thank you for David Grusin.
• I loved the 65 mustang convertible - and picking our Christmas tree up with the top down - you do have nice taste.
• I loved Germany - and walking in the snow to the corner bakery to get breakfast and watching you smile the whole time just because you were getting to share these great experiences with us.
• I love the way you make the kids giggle.
• I loved standing in the hangar at RAFB waiting on you to come home, over and over again. Always so proud to love a man who still and always has served with integrity.
• I loved driving thru the gate at the Academy when they saluted you the first time (wink).
• I love worshipping with you - and the way you always stand for "How Great Thou Art" whether anyone else is or not.
• I love your blue shirts and khaki pants and how you have remained untouched by the fashion trends of the last 20 years (ok - not so much). But you are a good looking drink of water.
• I love playing rummy with you - and winning - and letting you win.
• I love that we can name Mexican Restaurants in just about every state we've ever driven thru.
• I loved kissing you at the top of the Arch in St. Louis, at the top of the Space Needle in Seattle and the Ferris Wheel in Chicago.
• I loved going to the flea market with you and Granpa Frank and watching you love them in just the way they needed it.

I've just realized I could write for another 16 years my love - for you bring such life to my living and wow do I love you. Thank you darling. Thank you God...

Happy Anniversary Mr. Ward - from the Mrs.

Free at Last

Poor Matti....

He acts like he's been held captive in a wretched prison for 3 long, hard years and now is at last free.

I worry that his changing Sunday school classes is going to be hard - he runs in with a smile and never looks back.

I wonder if school is going to be tough - he's the little guy that still hides behind my leg when a new person says hello. Instead - he jumps into class like a bunny rabbit, tosses me an uninterested wave behind him and leaves me in the dust.

I'm concerned he won't want to carpool - you know he is my baby - this could be strange for him. He climbs into the car with our friends, pumps both fists in the air, shouts "woo hoo" and off he goes.

I'm concerned that AWANA's is too much for my little guy - maybe he's too overwhelmed. Instead we pick him up to hear from the teacher that he not only smiled the whole entire class, but he did his memory verse, his motto and earned his next book.

Yes, ladies and gentleman - I am keenly in tune with my children -a real pro!